We Might Fall
by lunadog116
Summary: Alex gets stabbed by Aaron after a long shift of work. He gets stabbed because Aaron thinks Alex is there dad. Will he survive and what will happen with Aaron and how will Alex deal with it? Sorry really bad summary I really didn't know how to summerize without giving too much away for future chapters.
1. We Might Fall

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or its characters**

**Song mentioned: We Might Fall by Ryan Star**

**A/N: I don't even know how I came up with story, but I did I've been meaning to write it for a while. I'm not a good writer, so hope you like it. The begging kind of sucks, but it should get better. I don't know how long it will be at least a couple of chapters hopefully.**

**Warning mention of suicide**

**Read/Review : D**

Ch. 1: We Might Fall

We might fall... Some more than others. When we fall we are taught at a young age to get right back up. We wipe the tears from our face and face forward, but what happens when life throws us curve ball and it's too much? Is it even worth getting back up if we know that we are just going to fall over and over again and it feels like there is no hope for you at all?

* * *

It was just a normal night, well technically it was morning, but who cared it was still dark out. Derek and Alex just got off after a long night shift. It was three or four in the morning when they got done. Alex was going to stay with Derek and Meredith for a couple of nights do to a pluming problem in his apartment that he shared with April and Jackson, The two of them decided to get a hotel for the night. Alex decided to crash at Meredith's, because it was just going to be for a night or two. Alex caught a ride with Derek because his car was currently in the shop for new tires. They made one quick stop to Alex's apartment to grab a couple things he needed for the next few days. When they got there Alex quickly grabbed some cloths and his toothbrush and he quickly left.

Alex felt like someone was following him as he walked outside. He looked behind him, but there was nothing; he turned around again and was a couple feet away from a figure that was wearing a black hoodie, jeans and black tennis shoes. The hood masked the persons face at the moment. The figure looked up from the ground and Alex instantly recognized who the person was. It was Aaron, but it didn't really look like him, he had dark circles under his eyes and his expression looked like he was scared out of his mind.

"Aaron what are you doing here? Are you okay?"

"They… They told me that I had to hurt you dad. Dad I'm sorry, but I have to do this they won't leave me alone and this is the only way for them to stop."

Aaron pulled something from his back pocket and approached Alex with it.

"I'm sorry dad, but I have to."

"Aaron it's me Alex, your brother, not dad, dad hasn't been around in long time. Just put down the knife and we can talk."

Aaron shook the knife violently for a couple of minutes before calming down. Once he calmed down Alex got closer to him and attempted to grab the knife from his hand as he slowly stooped shaking the knife...Big mistake... Aaron raised the knife quickly and stabbed Alex in the abdomen he made one single twisting motion before releasing it.

The knife pierced through Alex's body, the cooling sensation of the blade entered his body and then it got replaced with warm agonizing pain.

Time seemed to stand still; Alex glanced down at his wound and placed one hand over it. The blood seeped through his fingers, his knees bent slightly before he fell onto the street.

It happen so fast he didn't really have time to react. One minute he was standing there with his brother the next he was being stabbed by him.

**We Might Fall**

**We Might Fall**

**We Might Fall**

The blood soaked the white t-shirt, turning the color white into a dark red color. The blood poured out of the severe stab wound, pressure was keeping it from bleeding out even more.

He knew what being shot felt like and it hurt like hell, but getting stabbed was a different level of pain.

_Oh God, _he thought. _I need help and I need it now. How could this happen? How did Aaron escape from the psychiatric hospital in Iowa and how did he get here? Why did he stab me?_

A million thought raced through his mind, but he was more worried about Aaron then him bleeding out on the street.

Aaron bent down next to Alex's bleeding body whispers in his ear, "Dad I'm sorry the voices-"Aaron placed a finger over Alex's lips as he tried to speak.

Alex mumbles to himself about something that he didn't know Aaron could hear, but he did.

"Shh… They'll hear you." Aaron whispered in Alex's ear.

"You can't talk because if you talk they said I have to hurt you again and if I refuse they'll speak louder and louder. I can't have that I can't!"

Alex gasped for breath, each breath being more painful than the last; he managed to get out a few words while adding as much pressure to his wound as he could," Aaron listen to me. "Alex took Aaron's hand into his so he could try and calm him down.

"It's me Alex. Not dad. Dad hasn't been around for a while, remember?"

Aaron pulled away from the hand grip, pounding at his head with a closed fist.

"No! No! No! You're lying to me because Alex isn't even hear. He's… he's in Seattle. Alex wouldn't lie to me. He never has lied to me."

Aaron got up and walked away leaving Alex bleeding out slowly on the street with the bloody knife beside him.

He tried to call Aaron's name, but couldn't.

Alex gasped quietly in pain, clutching his stomach where he got stabbed. He lied on the street bleeding out, outside of his apartment. He felt for his phone in his pockets, so he could call for help. He pated both sides of his pockets… empty. _I must have left it in the car_, he thought. The only way he would get help is if he called out for it.

"Help!" Alex tried to call out loudly, but couldn't because of the blood that was in his throat. The warm metallic taste filled his mouth; he coughed up a little bit of it beside him. He tried again, but his voice was a lot weaker and all that came out was more blood.

* * *

It was late and Derek just wanted to go home and crawl in bed, he wondered what was taking Alex so long.

How long does it take to grab some clothes and a couple of other things? Derek reached for his phone in his pocket and began to dial Alex's number. The phone rang for a couple of seconds before he heard the phone beside him go off. He quickly hung up. Derek decided to get out of the car and see what was keeping Alex. He walked up the street a little bit until he saw the body then he ran toward it.

Derek went to Alex's side and placed his hand on top of Alex's, to add more pressure to the wound and with the other he called 911 and within a couple of seconds the dispatcher was on the phone.

"911. What's your emergency?"'

"This is Dr. Shepherd. I need an ambulance at 1546 S Larson Avenue for a stab wound victim."

" Okay… Who's the victim?"

"Alex Karev. Just get an ambulance here!" Derek said with frustration then hung up his phone.

"Help is coming, just a few more minutes."

Alex struggled to keep his eyes open. His eyes fluttered open to close. Derek nudged his shoulder a couple of times to keep him awake.

"Alex... Who did this to you?"

Alex coughed slightly and coughed up a little bit of blood.

"It was… It was Aaron. He thought I was our dad and he said the voices told him to do it."

"The voices?"

"Yeah. He has schizophrenia. I don't know what happened. I'm his big brother I'm the one that needs to protect him. It's not his fault. He's off his meds and-"

"You should save your energy. Everything will be okay, just hold on can you do that for me?"

Derek looked for anything that could help stop the bleeding he pulled another t-shirt out of Alex's bag and placed it over the bloody one and added more pressure. He didn't know how much blood Alex lost, it had to be a lot though he guessed that he lost at least 25 to 30 percent of his blood. Alex couldn't afford to loose anymore blood.

Alex nodded his head and coughed up more blood beside him. He turned his head slightly to the right and saw Aaron in the distance with a gun in his hands.

* * *

Aaron placed the barrel of the gun in his mouth, his middle finger on the trigger. Tears streamed down his face, the hand that held the gun shook violently. Just one shot he thought and it would all be over, just one shot and all the voices in his head will stop, just one shot, he pulled the trigger and the sound of the gun went off. The sound echoed through the air almost sounding like thunder. Aaron fell to the ground; blood poured out of the back of his head, his lifeless blue eyes stared forever in the distance.

**We Might Fall**

**We Might Fall**

**We Might Fall**

The heavy rain fell from the sky, sounding like a thousand bullets as it hit the ground. The heavy rain fell as if it was heaven weeping for the tragedy that had just unfolded for these two brothers, one was dead and other was close from being dead and if he lived... if... It will be a long a painful road ahead for him.

"No!"Alex screamed in terror as Aaron pulled the trigger. He wanted to get up and hold his baby brother and never let go, but something was holding him back, one was Derek, the other... well was his legs, he couldn't feel them, but that wasn't that big of deal at the moment what he wanted so much to be with his baby brother. He tried getting up arms doing all the work but, the blood continued to pour out and Alex slowly slipped out of consciousness and his head slowly dropped to the cold wet ground. The rain soaked his weak body within seconds, washing away the pool of blood that surrounded him and Derek.

**We Might Fall**

**We Might Fall**

**We Might Fall**

**A/N: Done with the first chapter Sorry for the cliffhanger. It's not as good as I wanted it be, but I wanted to start the story at least. I hope it gets better because I have all these different ideas for the story I just need to try and put it together.**


	2. Time of Dying

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or its characters**

**Disclaimer song lyrics by: Three Days Grace In My Time Of Dying **

**Bob Marley: Three Little Birds**

**A/N: Thank you for your reviews I really appreciate it :D**

**I'm so sorry it has taken so long to update. I've been really busy with school and haven't really had the time to write and I also had writers block for this chapter. This chapter isn't as good as my first in my opinion, but I have already been working on some of the other chapters and I'm really happy with them , so I should be updating more often anyways here's the next chapter I hope you like it. **

**Read/Review: D**

**Ch.2: Time of Dying**

_On the ground I lay motionless in pain _

_I can see my life flashing before my eyes_

_Dead I fall asleep, is this all a dream_

_Wake me up I'm living a nightmare_

The world was no longer dark anymore. It was more of a bright yellow color. It was welcoming. The sound of a pleading man telling him to hang on gets replaced with laughter. The smell of blood gets replaced with buttery popcorn. The metallic taste in his mouth gets replaced with cotton candy. The bright yellow color gets replaced to a fair that he remembered going to when he was a kid with Aaron. He was ten and Aaron was six. He remembered as if it was yesterday. They both planned it months in advanced. The plan was to pretend to leave for school at their usual time, then catch a bus that would take them to the fair. For one day, just for one day the two of them could act like they were normal kids, with normal parents that loved them no matter what. Just for one day they could actually be happy. It was a crap fair, but there wasn't much to do in the state of Iowa.

The bus stopped at the fair and the two boys got off it. Aaron ran ahead of Alex and waved his hand for him to hurry up. As soon as the boys caught up with each other they headed to the ticket station. They bought all tickets they could with the money they brought, only leaving enough for the bus ride home.

The two boys rode every ride, except for the little kiddy rides, but their favorite was the ferries wheel, not because it felt like they can touch the sky, but because they were away from the world's problems even though it was only for a short period of time.

Aaron's head rested on Alex's shoulder and he fell asleep within a couple of minutes after getting onto the bus. Not too long after that Alex started to drift off into his own slumber, his eyes slowly closed and he leaned his head onto Aaron's and fell asleep for the long bus ride home.

The image faded and once again he was in the darkness a place that he has been in for far too long.

* * *

"Alex... You have to stay with me. Help is coming... just a couple more minutes. Please hang on."

Derek shook Alex's shoulder but there was no response at all. He checked for a pulse, but there wasn't one. If he did CPR Alex would bleed out quicker if he didn't then he would die.

Derek didn't know if this was true, but he had to believe that it was because Alex was slowing dying and he just witnessed Alex's brother suicide. He had to believe that something good had to come out of this day, something and Derek was hopping, praying that Alex would live. He couldn't handle another one of his friends dying, he couldn't and Meredith couldn't handle it either or any of their friends for that matter. Derek never knew that he would be calling Alex Karev his friend because he never knew that it would be possible, but it was. Alex was so different from him, but ever since the plane crash things changed and he saw life in a different perspective. He wanted to build a friendship with people that he kind of took for granted before. He lived with the guy for years and he didn't know that much about him. He wanted to know things like what his favorite band is, or his favorite book, the little stuff, maybe they had something in common, he didn't know. Now he didn't know if he would get the chance to know those things and get the chance to become a friend to Alex.

Derek began to do CPR on Alex's body for several minutes. The rain wasn't helping them at all, it was making things worse causing Alex to become hypothermic. Even though the rain washed away the blood, there was still more blood coming out even more when Derek pushed on his chest. The more he pushed the more the blood began to poor out.

_Where the hell is the _ambulance? Derek thought.

It only had been three minutes since he called the ambulance, but time seems to stand still in these types of situations.

The sound of ambulance grew louder as it approached Alex and Derek. The red and blue lights flashed in distance. Within seconds the ambulance approached them. Two paramedics came rushing out with a gurney. They lifted Alex on to it and put him in the ambulance. Derek told one of the paramedics about the dead body in the distance and how important it was for them to take care of it and have it sent to the morgue at Seattle Grace-Mercy West. The young paramedic told him not to worry and it will get handled.

"Everything is going to be okay Alex, just hold on for me."

* * *

This place looked familiar it was his closet that him and Aaron shared when they were kids. The closets dark, but there would always be a small crack for them to see the light. It could be dark at times, but both Alex and Aaron both felt safe in there. They spent a lot of their times hiding in the small cluttered closet, full of broken toys and clothes they had to get at a local charity. This was their sanctuary almost when their parents were fighting.

"He's going to find us in here Alex and he's going to hurt us. Don't let him hurt me Alex. Please don't let

daddy hurt me."

The younger boy cried in his brother's arms. Alex wrapped his arms around him for comfort.

"Aaron, look at me."

Aaron didn't look up at first, but Alex soft calming voice caused him to lift his head, so he would be looking into his brother's eyes.

"I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you Aaron because you're my little brother and I will always protect you no matter what."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

With those words Aaron knew that Alex would always be looking out for him.

The front door slammed breaking the feeling of security Aaron flinched and hid behind Alex in there closet.

"Alex get your ass over here!"

Aaron grabbed his arm just as he was about to leave, suddenly he didn't feel as safe in the closet without Alex.

Alex appeared within seconds after his father called him because he knew the consequence if his father had to call him again.

"Get me a damn beer!"

He walked quickly to the kitchen and grabbed the class bottle of Coors Beer from the fridge then he handed it to his dad.

"Here dad."

"Changed my mind get me my scotch."

This time Alex didn't move he was frozen because he knew where the scotch was. He knew that his father had drunk it all the night before. He knew because he remembered smelling it on his breath when he was on top of him giving what he called the many lessons of life and unfair it is. He's still kind of afraid of the dark that's why there's a crack in the closet. His father liked the fear in his son's eyes when he started on of his lessons. Alex cried the first time it happened, he was six and now three years later he doesn't feel much anymore more because he basically numb. It would happen once every other week sometimes more. The smell of liquor would always be on his father's breath.

"I thought I told you to get you my scotch."

Alex continued to look down out the floor and only mumbled something under his breath about where it was.

"What was that?"

"Nothing… It was nothing"

"Oh if it was nothing then tell me where my scotch is."

"You drank it all yesterday."

His father got to his feet quickly and Alex stepped back quickly in fear.

"I think your lying to me and you know what I to liars."

His father slowly unbuckled his belt and pulled the belt from its loops, then he folded it in half and made a snapping noise with it always causing Alex to flinch.

"Now I'm going to give you one more chance and it better be the truth."

"You drank it yesterday I saw you drink it."

"Bend over now!"

"But, dad I'm telling the truth."

"Bend over or I'll force you to bend over."

Alex bent over like he was told and he put his hands on the sofa like he did a thousand other times.

"Pull your pants down."

Alex pulled his pants down quickly because he just wanted to get it over with it. He didn't want it to happen, but there wasn't any way of getting out of it. He couldn't run because that would only make things worse for him and he might go after Aaron, so Alex did what he was told.

His father raised his arm that held the belt and he whipped his son hard three to four times in a row. Alex winced in pain each time he did it. As the fourth whipped came and went it seemed to Alex that it was over, but Alex knew that wasn't the end. He knew that his dad liked to end the spanking with the metal side of the belt. He did it a total of five times, two more than usual.

"Now get the hell out of my face, before I decide to whip that piece of shit you call your brother."

It hurt like hell to pull up his pants, but he immediately did it and left the room. He held back the tears as he walked passed his father who was shooting up his next line of heroin.

When he got to his room he didn't cry because he knew he had to be strong for Aaron.

"Is it safe to come out now?"

Aaron peeked through the tiny crack from the door to make sure it was just him and Alex.

"Yeah, It's okay, come on out."

Aaron came out from where he was hiding and cried into his brother's shoulder, eventually falling asleep. Alex didn't cry because he wanted to be strong for Aaron and his mom because somebody had to protect them from the monster that he called his father.

The image faded and then there was darkness.

* * *

"What we've got?" Owen asked as the paramedic steeped out of the ambulance lowering the gurney onto the ground and handing him a clip board.

"33 year old mal-"

"It's Alex. He's lost too much blood already. I intubated him, I put in an IV and he's hypothermic."

"Derek? What? What the hell happened?"

"He was stabbed that's what happened!"

Derek didn't mean to sound so harsh when he told Owen, but he had to because there was no time to waste to tell what exactly happened. He didn't stop doing CPR because Alex didn't have a pulse yet which was a bad sign.

"Let's get him to trauma room one and page and right away."

The young nurse nodded , "Yes doctor."

Derek and Owen followed the paramedic along with a couple of nurses as they wheeled Alex into the trauma room.

They had to work fast because every stab wound was different. The main priority though was getting a pulse and to get the bleeding to stop. Owen ordered more blood while Derek yelled for a crash cart.

The crash cart appeared in the room within seconds along with another group of seconds.

Derek's hands were shaking mainly because he was scared for what happened that night, so much happened that he wasn't thinking. He was still wet and so was Alex he grabbed the paddles from the crash cart

"Charge to 120"

Owen stops Derek just before he places the paddles on Alex's chest

"Do you want to electrocute yourself? Your still soaking wet he is too. You should go and wait get changed I've got this. "

Derek is hesitant at first, but gives in and hands Owen the paddles.

Two minutes later and Dr. Webber show up in the trauma room to help out Alex. They dried him off and use the crash cart to restart his heart. It takes them four times before he has a pulse. After that they take him for an emergency CT scan, then to the OR.

Derek walked back and forth for a good ten minutes in the attending lounge before he sat down, but once he sat down he would get right back up and walk back and forth from the couch to the door several times.

_I should call Meredith Derek thought. No that would only worry her and she would insist to help which would only complicate things, but I should still call her to tell her. _

He took the phone out of his pocket and called Meredith. The phone rang for a couple of seconds before Meredith answered the phone in a somewhat annoyed tone in her voice.

"It's not even four yet here Cristina, I was asleep."

"Meredith, It's me."

He tried not to sound too worried because Meredith would probably notice that something was wrong.

"Derek, why aren't you home? I thought your shift ended over an hour ago."

Derek ran his hand through his thick black hair and took a couple of deep breaths before he could speak to her calmly, so she wouldn't freak out the second he opened his mouth.

"Meredith I'm still at the hospital, something came up and I've been held up. I'm sorry that I didn't call I should of."

"Well that's okay you'll just have to make it up to me when you get home."

"Meredith? I need to tell you something and I need you to try and keep calm when I tell you?"

_Crap he thought what the hell am I thinking I know she'll freak out._

"Derek? What happened are you hurt?"

"No I'm fine. It's just Al… Al… Alex got stabbed it's pretty bad."

It didn't register in head at first what was being said to her.

"Oh thank god you're okay. Wait Alex was stabbed? Oh god… Oh god. I'm coming over there."

She hung up the phone before saying anything else, grabbed Zola and took off to the hospital. The car ride seemed like it would never end. She just wanted to get to the hospital and make sure her best friend was alright, more than a friend a brother. Yeah he's a man whore and he's an ass but he's still a good person. As these thoughts raced through Meredith's mind all she could do was cry.

"I need to scrub in and help them Derek. They need my help."

"It's not a good idea. You're a mess, just sit here with me and Zola and we will wait and hear the news on Alex."

Meredith knew she was a mess her hands wouldn't stop shaking from fear and she still had tears in her eyes. She held Zola tight in her arms and she rested her head on Derek's shoulder. This helped a little bit with the fear of losing a friend.

Derek wanted to be strong for Meredith because someone had to be, he let a few tears fall from his eyes. He couldn't get the image out of his head of Aaron killing himself. The sound of the gun going off when he shot off, the amount of blood that came out when he pulled the trigger and the fear in his eyes. Then there was Alex dying in his arms and he couldn't really do anything, but sit there till the ambulance showed up. He didn't want to tell Meredith about Aaron because it would only make things worse. He talked to the cops a while ago and told them everything that happened. They told that there didn't have to be any other investigation because they had all that they needed. Aaron's body was in the hospital's morgue.

* * *

It was two days before winter break and Alex didn't want the week to be over because that meant that he would have to spend two weeks, day and night in the hell place he called home. While other kids couldn't wait till that bell rang Friday afternoon, Alex would dread the moment. Once that bell rang on that Friday afternoon in his fifth grade classroom he rushed out as fast as could. He would normally take his time walking the six blocks in the bitter cold with Aaron, but Aaron wasn't with him because he had a really bad flu.

Aaron was sweating big time. The sheets were soaking wet in his sweat, yet he was cold. His body was hot like really hot. Alex didn't really know what to do at first; he knew that a 104 degree temperature wasn't normal and Aaron needed to go to hospital, but there was no way that was going to happen. One reason is that his dad was out some place getting high or drunk or both and their mother's mind was in a completely different place. His instincts kicked in and he went to the bathroom and turned the cold faucet. H helped Aaron walk to the shower and then into the shower, he sat in there letting the cold water soak the both of them. It must have been working because Alex could notice that Aaron's body temperature was cooling down which was a relief and Aaron looked more relaxed. He sang their favorite song to distract him from the pain. This reminded him of the one of the only good moments he had with his father, his dad played his guitar and would begin to sing his favorite Bob Marley song Three Little Birds. Alex was five his father was sober for a month which was practically a miracle, three days later he was back shooting up and hitting him and his mom. Alex began to sing as the cold water hit them, it soothed Aaron.

_Don't worry about a thing,_

_'Cause every little thing gonna be all right._

_Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,_

_'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"_

* * *

"I need a minute."

"There's no waiting. We need to get in there's already a lot of damage done. You saw the scans."

"I'm about to cut into my internes chest, you can give me one minute. Dr. Hunt!"

Bailey glared at him for good minute or two, almost in disgust, almost. and Owen both new perfectly well how she fell about her interns even though they weren't interns anymore. The five of them were her babies and she didn't want anything bad to happen to them, but it did.

She closed her eyes took a couple deep breaths and mumbled something softly to herself, only loud enough for her to hear, maybe a little prayer that everything will go okay.

She opened her eyes slowly and began to speak in an angry tone, but it was more scared than angry.

"You die on me Karev and I will kick your ass from here to Sunday and when I get to Sunday again I'll start all over again, so you better think twice before you try something stupid like dying."

She held out her hand to the same scrub nurse that she has had for years, "Scalpel."

The surgery took several hours and there was a lot of internal bleeding, but they were able to control it after a while only after he coded five different times and they had to bring him back. There was a little bit of organ damage, not much he was lucky not to have any serious injuries, so they thought.

They all let out a slight sigh of relief when he became stable and they finished what had to be done. They all knew that Alex might need another surgery to repair any other damage, but for now he was stable and they wanted to keep that way.

"Let's close him up and get him to the ICU."

Bailey closed her eyes again and mumbled under her breath a little prayer of thanks that her baby was alright.

**A/N: Hope you liked it; sorry it wasn't as good as the first I had a little trouble coming up with writing this chapter. I'm liking my ideas that I have for some of the other chapters, promise that it will get better.**

**Read/ Review :D **


	3. Hold on Before it's too Late

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or its characters**

**Disclaimer song lyrics: Before it's too Late by: Goo Goo Dolls **

**A/N: I was rereading through this chapter and noticed a bunch of typeo's sorry about that I was really excited about posting up this chapter and I didn't read through this chapter as closely as I usually do, so here's the story again.**

** Hey everyone, thank you for the reviews they mean a lot. I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while I've been really busy with College, but I'm on break , so hopefully I'll get to update more often. I decided to split this chapter and the next because it will expand the story a little more. Hope you like it. Song kind of fits I decided to put all the lyrics in this chapter because it's one of my favorite songs by the Goo Goo dolls.**

**Not a medical professional, so I don't know if any of this could actually happen.**

**Read/ review : D**

**Ch. 3: Hold on Before it's too Late**

_**I wander through fiction to look for the truth**_

_**Buried beneath all the lies**_

_**and I stood at a distance**_

_**To feel who you are**_

_**Hiding myself in your eyes**_

The smooth steady beeps of the monitors were soothing sound to Meredith, it meant that Alex was still alive, barley, but still alive. It would be better if there wasn't a tube down his throat and didn't have 103 degree temperature while in the ICU. She knew that he probably got pneumonia because of how much blood he lost and while he was he was being rained on. She wrapped her hand with his and held it tight because she was afraid if she let go she might lose him forever. He was like a brother to her, she couldn't lose another person from her family she couldn't.

_**hold on before it's too late**_

_**We'll run till we leave this behind**_

_**Don't fall just be who you are**_

_**It's all that we need in our lives**_

Derek told her about what happened to Aaron in little to no detail as he could because he was still trying to process all that happened in that short amount of time. It scared her to hear Derek tell her what happened. She could tell the fear in his voice, the lump that grew in his throat as he tried not to cry when he told his wife about the amount of blood, the sound of the gunshot, and Alex's pleads to be with his brother. If Derek was like this when telling her, she couldn't imagine what Alex would be feeling emotionally when he woke up. She prayed well hoped that he wouldn't remember because it would be better for him if he didn't have the image of his brother's suicide in his mind for the rest of his life.

_I should get some sleep, _Meredith thought as her eye lids slowly began to shut and her head slowly began to fall and rest onto Alex's arm. A knock at the door a few minutes later startled her and caused her to wake up then she turned around to see who it was.

It was Cristina.

"Meredith, go home. I'll stay with him tonight."

"It's okay. I'm not even tired, you can go."

She adjusted Alex's IV because it went a little out of place when she was resting her head on Alex's arm.

"You need sleep Meredith you haven't gotten much sleep since…. Since this all happened."

"No I'm fine here. It looks like you're the one who needs more sleep then I do, so just go away!"

Her tone was a lot harsher than she originally tended it to be. She felt bad for coming across that way, but Cristina understood why she was that way, it didn't bother her.

Cristina walked further into the room and stood by Meredith's side in silence for a couple of minutes before Meredith broke the silence.

"How does this keep happening to us? Were're good people, were're doctors and yet somehow god hates us and wants all of us to be dead. What kind of god would allow this to happen to good people?"

Cristina didn't really know what to say because she had the same questions as Meredith. She stared at the floor for a couple of minutes in silence before finally looking up at Alex then at Meredith.

"I don't know why this keeps happening Meredith, but staying here right now in your state isn't the smartest idea, go home and get some sleep. I know you're scared to leave him, but he'll be fine overnight. I will stay the night with him to make sure of it. I'll call if anything changes. I promise."

Meredith knew that Cristina wouldn't change her mind, so she backed off and stood up from the chair that she was sitting in for hours.

"Fine, he has a fever that spiked to 103 an hour ago and if it gets ab- "

"Meredith I got this."

"Right, sorry" She gave Alex's hand a final a squeeze before exciting the room. "I'll be back tomorrow Alex. Be nice to Cristina try not to give her a hard time."

She smiled slightly at the last comment she made, so did Cristina, but it quickly changed to the worried look she had all day then walked out of the room.

Cristina took Meredith's spot in the chair that was extremely uncomfortable. At first she just sat there staring at her finger nails then she flipped through his chart, one of her many defense mechanisms she had when a person she cared about was hurt. As she flipped through his chart her face grew grim. Alex was getting worse a lot worse and she didn't know how much longer his body could take, but that was the doctor side of her.

She slid her hand slowly across the bed until she reached Alex's hand and she held it like Meredith did, not as tight as her, but still tight. It scared her to see him like this, basically at death's door. She would never admit to anyone, but she kind of thought of Alex as a little brother, a little brother that would do everything in his power, just to annoy his older sister. The sister may say over and over again how annoying her brother is, but at the end of day she knows she loves him and would do anything she could do to protect him from harm.

"You need to wake up Alex. This isn't okay we don't quit, its lame. We need you here because I don't know if Meredith can take another person dying on her, I don't know if I could. I know it's hard, but you have to fight this."

Cristina refrained from calling him Evil Spawn because the person in the bed hanging onto life by a thread and the person she knew for years were two different people.

The smooth steady beeps slowly faded into one single beeping sound. The sound terrified Cristina as she heard it, but she quickly went into doctors mode as the flat line appeared. Within seconds after she pressed the code button a group of nurses came in to the room.

"Get me a crash cart and page Dr. Hunt !"

_**and the risk that might break you**_

_**Is the one that would save**_

_**A life you don't live is still lost**_

_**So stand on the edge with me**_

_**Hold back your fear and see**_

_**Nothing is real 'til it's gone**_

"Okay, Charge to 200... Clear!"

Alex's body bounced up as the paddles struck his chest and back down again.

"Nothing, okay charge to 250….. Clear!"

The flat line grew louder in Cristina's mind as it continued to beep.

"Charge to 300… Clear... Nothing, come on Alex you can't die you have to fight this please."

"Let's go again. Charge to 320… Clear!"

The flat line diapered and was replaced with steady beeps.

_Thank god _she thought. Her hands were still shaking as she held the paddles in her hands.

"What happened?" A voice from the doorway said as he walked into the room a couple of minutes later. Her hands stopped shaking when she heard the voice and placed the paddles back on the cart.

"He coded probably because of a complication from the surgery you preformed yesterday and I just checked and his fever spiked to 105. We just put him on some cooling blankets and it's helping a little bit, but it looks like he might need another surgery. We were able to stop the bleeding, but I think you need to look at it.

Owen did a quick exam on Alex starting with the wound he operated on then listened to his heartbeat with his stethoscope.

"He needs surgery, call the OR and let them know were coming, and page Dr. Russell."

"Yes Doctor"

"Owen wait why does he need Dr. Russell?"

"This is his fifth cardiac arrest since he's been here and it's only been three days. He's going to need surgery were going to do some scans just to make sure, but he'll probably need surgery on his heart. I need to go back and repair the complication from his last surgery and then will probably operate on his heart if needed."

"I'm here I can do the-"

"No you're his friend. You know the rules. You can watch from the gallery, but that's it."

"Owen I can handle it just let me"

"I said no, what you can do is call his family."

With that he left the room taking Alex to get his scans done, then to the OR.

Family? Alex never talks about his family. Do they even care about him? The police were going to inform them about Aaron, but she didn't know if they would tell them about Alex's current condition. Even if they did would his family even bother to check to see if he was okay? Meredith will know what to do I should call Meredith. _Oh god Meredith I should call her, but she needs her sleep._ The thoughts raced through her mind as she watched in horror as her husband and Dr. Russell slice into Alex's body. She decides not to call Meredith because if she heard what happened tonight then she won't go to sleep at all, so she sat there and watched in fear as each minute passed. She wished that she was in there with him just to hold his hand because it made her feel better and she thought at least at that time if she held tight enough that everything will be okay. She didn't have that and it made her sick, but what made her heart stop beating for a second was the sound of the flat line again.

"What the hell did you do?"

Was all she heard before she rushed out of the gallery.

_**So live like you mean it**_

_**Love 'til you feel it**_

_**It's all that we need in our lives**_

_**So stand on the edge with me**_

_**Hold back your fear and see**_

_**Nothing is real 'til it's gone**_

_**It's all that we need in our lives**_

_**It's all that I need in my life**_

**A/N: I hope you liked this chapter; it's not that great in my opinion. I'm starting to work on the next chapter, which will probably have Alex's mom and Amber in it.**


	4. Permanent

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or its characters**

**Disclaimer Song: Permanent By: David Cook**

A/N:

**Sorry for changing things again, I needed to fix a few things on this chapter, I forgot to add some stuff that I wrote on another document and then I had to fix a few things that I didn't before, that make the chapter make since a little more. **

**So sorry I haven't updated for a while. I planned on writing over my winter break, but I really didn't feel like writing at the time and I had extreme writers block. When I came back to school things got hectic and I haven't had the time for it and now school I'm getting to the end of the semester.**

**A few things about the story, I'm not going to add anything to do with the lawsuit and basically the new interns were never there. I totally ship Jolex, but it doesn't really fit the story. I might write one in the future, I don't know and Meredith isn't pregnant in this story at least yet, I haven't decided.**

**This chapter focuses more of the relationship between Amber/ Alex Amber / Aaron I put some Meredith/Alex and Alex/Cristina in it as well as some other characters. I had to skip around a little bit for this chapter.**

**I've got so many good any ideas for this story, can't wait to start writing them again. Don't give up on this story, just yet. **

**Read/ Review :D**

**Hope you enjoy**

* * *

Ch. 4: Permanent

_Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?  
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry  
And everything, it will surely change even if I tell you I won't go away today_

A knock at the door woke Amber from her sleep. It was mid-morning, but she didn't get much sleep because of the long shift that she had just the night before, so she was a little upset that, the knock at the door that woke her up. She waited a second to hear if her mother would answer the door, but she didn't hear any movement coming from the other room. There was another knock at the door, Amber got up in frustration, grabbing a nearby blanket and wrapping it around her body on the way to the door, a third knock came shortly after and it only made Amber more angry.

Amber mumbled, "This better not be some dumb ass kid selling some dumb ass popcorn or cookies."

She twisted the door knob to open the door and then said before looking to see who was at the door, "We're not interested now go away."

The second she said those words it made her feel a little embarrassed once she saw the two officers at the door.

"I'm sorry, is there a problem officers."

"This is Officer Armstrong; I'm Officer Parker can we come in?" The Officer pointed with his thumb at his partner then himself.

"Yeah."

Amber stepped aside to let the two officers into the crappy apartment that was above a bar, the crappy apartment that she guessed was a home, even though it wasn't much one to her brothers.

The two officers walked into the room, both were tall. The older officer, Officer Parker had black greasy hair and brown eyes. The younger officer, Officer Armstrong had short dirty blond hair and blue eyes. He's cute Amber thought.

"Is your mom home?" The younger officer asked.

"Yeah, but I probably shouldn't wake her up unless it's important, she has been having trouble sleeping, lately, so I would rather not wake her."

The younger officer gives Amber a worried look before saying, "You probably should go wake up your mom."

Something about the tone in his voice when he said that worried Amber, she didn't know what it was, but she knew that it was something bad. She just had that feeling in her gut that her life was just about to fall apart drastically. Amber knew to always to listen to that feeling, good or bad, mostly it was bad. Nothing really good ever happened to her, at least the last few years. This was bad news she thought. Getting her mother up was no problem because she was already awake, which worried Amber a little bit because her mother hadn't been sleeping much lately, but at the moment it wasn't an issue. They walked to the room where the two officers were standing.

It was official it was bad, when cops tell a family to sit down when they come to your doorstep Amber knew that, she saw it on TV. Both Amber and her mom walked over to the coach, just a few feet away from where the officers were standing and sat down.

"What is it? Why are you here?"

"I'm so sorry to tell you this, but Aaron was found dead in Seattle last night, his death was self-inflicted."

Amber looked to her mother first with slight tears in her eyes, but noticed she was totally checked herself out. Amber wanted her mother to comfort her to tell her that everything was alright that they would get through it together, but it's not what happened. Growing up Amber knew that she could never really count on her mother for anything. She turned to her brother's for comfort or at least Aaron since Alex was never there really there when she needed him the most.

"Are you sure it was him because he's supposed to be at the psyche ward, just outside of town?"

"It's him." The younger officer said trying to avoid eye contact as much as possible because seeing the hurt in this young girl's eyes would make him slowly fall apart. He looked up from the floor and then stared at the mother who was sitting on the couch, with a blank look on her face. His partner told him that death notifications were the hardest part of the job and no matter how hard they try to make it right, they would still feel like it was wrong that there was something they could of done to make it better.

"No it can't, he's my brother I know my brother he wouldn't do something like that please I want to see him. "

At this point Amber is crying harder, her bright blue eyes filled with tears, she looks to her mother again, seeing if she will get some sort of comfort, but had same look she had when they told her, _big surprise_, she thought.

"I'm sorry, but you can't see him, his body is still in Seattle at the moment, but you'll be able to have the body for burial soon. "

The younger officer tried to comfort the girl with the best of his abilities, but his partner gave him a look, that told him without saying that they had to deliver the rest of the news.

"I'm sorry to make things worse, but there's more."

_What can be worse_? Amber thought in the back of her mind as she was still trying to come to terms with the fact that Aaron was gone.

"Alex was somewhat involved. Aaron stabbed him, from what we heard it seems he thought that your son thought that Alex was your husband, we don't know the full details about it, but we will let you know when we do, I'm sorry."

"Is he going to be okay, Alex is he going to be okay?"

"We don't know full details about that either, but the last that we heard he was critical. The doctors at the hospital that he's at will be able to tell you more about his condition. Is there anyone we can call, this is a lot to deal with it."

"There's no one else, okay it's just my mom and I." Amber spoke with frustration speaking up for mother, because clearly she wasn't going to say anything about, Amber just prayed that her mother wouldn't try anything to harm herself later.

The younger Officer could tell that there was something, off about the girl's mother, but didn't really want to say anything.

"Is she okay?" He asked concerned and pointed to the older women on the couch, his partner glared at him.

"That's none of your business, its mine and I know my mom!"

"Look I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you, I was just wondering if you needed , one of us can stay."

"No, it's okay, thank you." Amber thanked the two officers and followed them at the door. She shut the door and then rested her back against it and slowly slid her back down the door until she met the floor, with her elbows resting against her knees and her hands gripping her long dirty blond hair, as tears began to fill her eyes again.

"Mom, Please say something, anything, mom."

Amber pleaded, wondering if her mother would say or doing anything to comfort her, but she didn't. Her mother eventually moved from the spot of on couch and walked to her room, then shut the door. Amber remained on the floor, trying to take in all that she just heard_. Alex needs to be okay, he has to, I can't let the last words I said to him be bad. I didn't mean… I didn't mean it. _Amber thought, holding a photo of her and her brother when she was just baby. Alex was holding her on his lap with one are, the other wrapped Aaron's shoulder. This was the only picture she really had of the three of them and she's kept it for years.

* * *

"What the hell did you do?" Owen shouted at the surgeon in front of him as the sound of the flat line continued to go off in the OR.

''I didn't do anything it wa-''

"It doesn't matter we just need to fix it." Owen shouted

Cristina watched from the scrub room, watching the two surgeons bickering back and forth about whose fault it was, as the sound of the monitors continued to go off. She grabbed a surgical masked and walked into the OR, holding the mask in front her mouth, when she entered.

"What the hell happened?" Cristina walked into the OR worried, holding a surgical mask in front her mouth, her left hand still shaking with fear.

Owen looked up from the dying man in front of him, for a moment.

"Cristina you need to leave, right now!" Owen yelled, then focusing his attention back on Alex.

"I'm not going to leave until one you tell me what the hell is going on."

The flat line continued to beep; the two doctors had to work fast to help save him because he was losing more blood and they need to find where it was coming from.

"Cristina, leave!"

"No, not until you tell me what the hell happened!"

"You need to leave, I'm the chief and I am asking you to leave!"

Owen's voice grew louder and all the staff in the OR, with the exception of Dr. Russell began to stare at her and Owen, but Cristina didn't move, she stayed in the same spot in silence, her left hand still shaking with fear as the sound continued to fill the room. She watched as the two doctors struggled to save her friend, the friend that she kind of took for granted.

The sound of the flat line faded away a few minutes later and was replaced with the regular beeping sound. A sigh of relief appeared on Owen's face when he looked up at Cristina then went back to working on the remainder of repairs. Cristina disappeared once she knew that Alex was okay for that moment. She sat just outside of the OR, holding her phone tightly in her hands, debating to call Meredith or not.

A few hours later Owen came out with Dr. Russell. Cristina got up from where she was sitting and followed Owen and the other staff that were taking Alex back to his room.

"Did you call his family?" Owen asked after getting Alex settled back in his room in the ICU.

"No, not yet, I don't think it's the right choice to have his family here, I don't know if Alex would want that."

"His brother killed himself right in front of him; he's going to need his family if he wakes up and if he doesn't his family is going to want to say their goodbyes.''

"He'll have us, He has Meredith and I."

"Cristina, I'm not going to ask you again, call his family or I will."

With that Owen left the room, leaving Cristina alone in the room, running into Meredith on the way out.

* * *

Meredith couldn't sleep. She tried for hours to fall asleep, but couldn't. Those hours were spent tossing and turning in bed worrying about getting the phone call, telling her that Alex was dead. It surprised her that Derek hadn't woken up from her tossing and turning, which was a good thing because he hadn't really been sleeping the last few nights, ever since what happened with Alex and Aaron. The night that is the reason why Alex was hanging on by a thread and his brother was dead. Thinking about Aaron made her feel worse; she liked Aaron even though she barely knew him. He was the exact opposite of Alex; he didn't give off that vibe of an ass as Alex did when they first knew him.

Meredith remembered the day when they were interns and George said," we're going to survive this right?" It was ironic though because he was the only one out of the five of them that didn't survive . Thinking about that only made her cry harder; she wanted to go back to those days where everything was so simple compared to now, things now were surrounded by death, death and more death it seemed like. Her intern days weren't easy at the time, at that time she was all dark and twisty, drinking tequila and had boy and mother problems. She kind of wished she had those days back when things were a little simpler because the problems she had then were nothing compared to now, but she had Derek, Zola, and her friends.

Since Derek was asleep and it wasn't doing her any good staying at home worrying she decided to throw something on, so she could check on Alex because she felt that something was wrong and she would sleep better knowing that Alex was okay. Meredith got up out of bed and got dressed. She checked on her husband one last time before exiting the room_, still asleep, just like he should be_. On her way out the door she checked on Zola. Meredith cracked the door quietly to Zola's room; she was sound asleep with her stuffed lion beside her. She left the house after that leaving Derek a note of where she went on the kitchen counter. Meredith got in her car and drove to the hospital, going straight to Alex's room, but when she got there Alex was gone. Meredith began to freak out and thought the worst when she saw that Alex's room was empty.

* * *

"Cristina, what happened, I went to his room and he wasn't there when I first got here, he's dead isn't he. Why didn't you call, you said you were going to call?"

"Meredith he's not dead, but there was complications with his first surgery that he had when he first came in, which caused him to need emergency surgery an-"

"Wait, what you mean emergency surgery, what the hell happened? You told me you would call; you said if there were any problems you would call!"

Her voice sounded scared and angry at the same time as she began to yell. She knew that Cristina was just protecting her, but it bothered her that she didn't call when she knew that Alex would need another surgery when she left, she just didn't expect it to happen, so fast.

"Everything was okay when you left, I thought he would be fine overnight things were going fine for a while, but then he got septic, he starts to code and his fever spiked, the infection that he had spread to his lungs causing more damage enough where he needed surgery. I don't know how we missed that, we should of caught that earlier, Then there were the blood clots. It's bad Mer, he's getting worse and I think we should call his family, so they can say goodbye."

"Were his family Cristina, we have been more of family to him than his actual family has been, you don't understand!"

"And you do? " Cristina said in a sarcastic tone.

"You barely know anything about his family. It's not like he talked about them all the time."

"Cristina, we're his family." You know that", just like your our family."

"I know, but he still has a family a real family who's probably worried."

"The same family who didn't come to see him when he was shot?"

"Meredith, It wa-"

"No, just give it a few days okay, please, when he wakes up we can ask him if he wants us to call, then we'll call. Just give it a few days."

Cristiana's eyes drifted to her friend lying on the bed, the one that she called Evil Spawn was basically at death's door and he needed people around, his people, the people that have become his family.

"Okay, we'll wait"

Cristina pulled up an extra chair and sat on the other side of Alex's bed, Hoping, waiting for a miracle to happen, even though she didn't really believe in them.

* * *

Amber gave it three days. Three long days waiting for the phone to ring to tell her about her other brother's condition. Within those three days she spent it locked in her room, except when giving her mom her meds because she wouldn't take them herself after hearing what happened and also checking to make sure she wouldn't do anything drastic to herself, like cutting herself.

The three days passed and there wasn't a phone call about Alex's medical condition, someone did call about Aaron's body saying about transporting the body, which she knows will cost a lot more money than she know that they have. There were no previous arrangements, he was only twenty- nine, so why would he have any, Amber thought. She tells them the burial would be in Seattle because the cost was way too high to ship the body and if Alex did die they could be buried next to each together.

The only phone calls she got were from friends giving their condolences, but she stooped answering after the fourth. The only call she would take would be a Washington area code, which never came. Amber decided that the only way to find out about how he was doing if she went to see him herself. She packed her clothes in a small duffle bag and then did the same thing with her mother's clothes. She grabbed all her money that she hid underneath her mattress, and then left and drove in the old pickup truck that Aaron gave her as a present when she turned sixteen, it was his for a long time and he wanted to give his little sister something special on her special day.

Amber could remember that moment as if it happened yesterday. It was early morning on September 15th , 2010 and she was fast asleep in her bed until being woken up by Aaron shaking her slightly to wake up. As she slowly got up, pushing her hands against the mattress and wiping the sleep from her eyes. Once she did that a Vanilla frosted baked good met her face saying," happy birthday" as he shoved it into to her face. Amber smiled and Aaron laughed. She used her hands to wipe away some of the frosting away from her face, before flicking the frosting at her brother. It was cheesy, but it was a tradition on her birthday, ever since Alex left for Seattle.

"You should probably wash that stuff off before you go to school unless you want all the guys trying to lick it off your face and if that happens I'll have to kick their ass." Aaron laughed and smirked at his little sister.

"First off that's gross and second I bet a lot of the guys at least the one's that I like would probably kick your ass. I have to take a shower now so I'll see you when I'm done."

"Okay I'll probably be waiting by the car when you're done."

Amber took her shower and when she was done with that applied some of her makeup and put on a pair of skinny jeans with a white undershirt and a black over shirt, with her black and white letters men jacket, then grabbed her backpack pack off the chair next to her desk then exited the room. Amber was running late, so she decided to skip breakfast because if she wanted a ride to school she would have to leave now. When she got outside Aaron had his back against the truck and his arms crossed against his chest. "You drive" He told Amber tossing the keys before opening the passenger side door and getting into the truck. Amber drove the short distance to her high school the same high school that both her bothers went to and when she got there Aaron directs her to park instead of parking at the drop off section.

"But I don't get my license until later today."

"It's Iowa, who cares?"

"You're sure, you don't care because I-"

Aaron let out a slight laugh.

"Are you saying you don't want it cause I can tell my friend that I don't need his old car after all?"

"Na it's okay, I'll take it, besides I've always liked it in ways, I was wondering if you were ever going to give it to me because you love it more than I do, thanks."

Amber smiled then gave Aaron a hug before she got out of the car.

"You're growing up too fast Amber." He sighed, giving his a sister another hug before walking away from the school and then headed off to work.

After getting home and Aaron getting home, they ate dinner then watched a movie. Amber's birthdays were simple, her family never really made too big of deal about it, which was fine with her.

Two months ,Aarons hands our around her neck squeezing it tight, she tried to fight it off by scratching him and moving things off the shelves causing them to fall on the ground to make some sort of sound. After a short time Aaron stopped, until he pushes Amber causing her to fall and hitting her head on a coffee table. Police were called by someone who heard the noise, she was taken to the hospital; Aaron was taken into custody and later was committed to the psyche war by Alex.

Driving always seemed to calm her down usually because it gave her time to think, but right now it just made it worse because the drive seemed to go on forever. The radio seemed to calm her down in a way, listing to some of her favorite rock songs. They drove several hours before reaching a cheap motel to rest for the night. Amber didn't rest that night though, instead spent the night thinking of all the stuff that had gone wrong with her and Alex over the years and Aaron, but mostly Alex.

The second day of driving was silent, neither Amber nor her mother said a word to each other, while Amber struggled to stay awake her mother either slept or stared out the window. Amber's thoughts continued to race about her relationship with both Alex and Aaron, the good and the bad.

_Will you think that you're all alone  
When no one's there to hold your hand?  
And all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary  
Rest your head  
I'm permanent_

* * *

Amber Karev walked through the doors of Seattle Grace Mercy West six days after she heard the news about her brother's, the news that was slowly tearing apart her world. The world of hers that wasn't too great to start with, having parents who never were really parents to her in the first place, not knowing her father never really bothered her, she knew he wasn't a good guy. She barely knew the guy because she was only three when he left because of Alex beat the living crap out of him. Then there was her mom who was in her own world the majority of her childhood. Her brothers were basically the one's that raised her taught her right from wrong, things weren't perfect, but the three of them were close when she was little, to her it was the three of them against the world.

She asked around for the location of her brother's room eventually finding out that he was in the ICU, room number 326. Amber walked in alone, her mother saying that she didn't want to see him. After begs and pleads for her mother to come along she finally gave up and went on her own while her mother waited in waiting room near the entrance of the hospital.

Amber stopped in front of Alex's hospital room mentally preparing herself before entering, taking a few deep breaths, before entering. She didn't know if it made it easier or harder that the door was made of glass and she was able to see him through it, seeing the many machines that he was connected to, his life line. It took a few minutes before she stepped into the room. She took small steps further and further into the room until she reached the chair that was beside his bed. Amber was happy to hear that his friends were coming in to see him frequently throughout the day, so he would hardly be alone. She didn't know who they were yet though. At the moment there was no one in the room, they were giving her time alone with him.

The doctors told her that they didn't know if he would wake up that his injuries were severe and causing other issues with his body. That's all that Amber really remembered the conversation that was given to her and her mother, just a half hour before.

He looked worse up close she thought. She reached for his hand a couple times, but never succeeding at holding it. Amber slid her arm across the bed till she met his hand, and then slid it back again.

_Come on, what the hell is wrong with me, he's my brother. _She thought.

Amber slid her arm across the bed again until she met his hand and finally held it. She sat there for a few minutes, holding his hand tight, until she heard someone walking into the room, then removed her hands from his.

Meredith could tell that the young girl was struggling in the room, so she went in to see if she could do anything to help, even though at Cristina and Alex's doctors were giving Amber Karev time alone with her brother.

"You must be Amber " A women said from the doorway. Amber turned around to see who it was, wiping the tears from her face with her sleeve.

"Are you another one of his doctors?"

"No I'm on-"

"Then why are you here?" Amber said harshly giving the women at the doorway a death glare.

"I'm Meredith, one of Alex's friends."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. It's be-"

"It's okay; you've been through a lot the last couple days."

Meredith walked further and further into room, slowly, so she wouldn't get another harsh comment from Amber. She waited a few minutes before speaking again.

"I'm sorry about Aaron."

"Yeah" Amber said softly, her gaze not leaving the sight of her brother.

"I can leave if you want to be alone with him."

Meredith was about to leave, but Amber grabbed her arm gently when walking past her.

"No stay. Please. I don't want to… I don't want to be alone, I thought I did, but I can't, not with everything that's happened. I need someone else hear please stay."

Her voice was soft and she sounded so scared when she asked for Meredith to stay.

" Of course, I'll stay however long you need me."

Meredith grabbed a chair and sat on the opposite side of where Amber was sitting, taking his hand and holding it like she's been doing every chance she got since that night.

"Thank you" Amber said softly giving her a slight smile, before returning a frown,

They sat there in silence for a good fifteen minutes listing to the humming of the machines until Amber broke the silence.

"I hated him." She blurted out softly.

"What?" Meredith looked up, confused by the words that she had just heard.

"I hated him, hated him for everything, causing my dad to leave, causing my mom more pain because she didn't have my dad, leaving Aaron and me alone to take care of her. I was jealous that he was able to have a second chance, being able to create this whole other life for himself and forgetting that we ever existed. It was Aaron who defended him a lot saying how hard he worked to get to where he is now and how hard he worked to step up and protected us from harm, mainly from my dad. "

"You know the last words. I said to him?"

Meredith shook her head, not expecting what she would hear next.

" I told him, when he came to see me in the hospital over two years ago when Aaron tried to kill me, I told him how much I hated him and how he's better off dead than alive to me. I told him he should have died when he got shot. I told him he should have died! What the hell is wrong with me? What kind of person would say that to her own brother, I regretted it the minute I said it, but I didn't apologize because I'm not too great at it. I was just, so hurt and scared at that time when he came to see me. I'm a horrible sister, he's done so much for me and I have treated him like shit when he was just trying to be there for me when Aaron tried to kill me. I told him all that shit that I shouldn't have said and I could tell how hurt he was when I said it too. I shouldn't have said it. I want to tell him that I didn't mean it, that he was a great brother that I still love him, that I want to work on our relationship. ''

"Tell him then because, you can't wait for the right moment to come around because it might never come and if you decide to wait it will be too late and you may never be able to forgive yourself for not saying it and you'll have to live with that last bad memory you had when you spoke with him."

Meredith tried to keep herself form crying when she was giving this little piece of advice to Amber because it made her think of how she first treated Lexie when she first knew her and how horrible she was to her when they first met. She could only wish that she was a better sister from the beginning, when she first found out about Lexie because it would've given them more time together.

"Can he hear me?"

Amber knew that he couldn't hear her, but she still wanted to ask because she wanted to believe that her eldest brother would be able to in a way.

Meredith has gotten that question all the time as a doctor, 'Can they hear me,' Most of the time she tried to avoid answering the question because she knew that they couldn't hear their love ones speaking to them. It would be even worse saying no because, it would make the whole situation worse, so she did her best to ignore it.

" You should still say it Amber, he's your brother and he loves you and you love him, so you should tell him because despite everything that has gone wrong with your relationship with him, he's still your brother."

Amber drifted her eyes back to Alex and held his hand tighter.

"You need to wake up; please I can't deal with this without you. I can't stop crying for what happened not just for Aaron, but for what happened to you. I can't lose you too Alex, I can't. I won't be able to deal with it. I'm sorry what I said before the last time we talked, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I really didn't mean, oh god Alex, please don't die, please. I love you. I'll be a better sister and we can work on our relationship more okay, I'm going to move here as soon as I can because I'm sick of Iowa and I want to see you more. So don't die. You guys raised me taught me right from wrong. You were the ones I looked up to, especially you."

Amber tried to fight back the tears because she hated crying especially in front of other people, but at this point she didn't care who saw her cry, so she let everything out right there until she couldn't cry anymore, her eyes were almost bloodshot. Meredith didn't say anything and just sat there, with tears in her eyes herself as she watched the youngest Karev beg for her brother's life.

After that the two of them sat in silence. Amber's hand still locked with his.

_I know he's living in hell every single day  
And so I ask, oh God is there some way for me to take his place  
And when they say it's all touch and go  
I wish I could make it go away  
But still you say  
Will you think that you're all alone  
When no one's there to hold your hand?  
When all you know seems so far away  
And everything is temporary,  
Rest your head  
I'm permanent_

* * *

The days seemed to be dragging on to a slow crawl, each day seeming longer than the last. The days soon became a week then that week became two. It was getting to that point where they would have to start talking about extraordinary measures; it was something that Amber didn't want to hear but it was going to come up eventually and there was no avoiding it.

Things stayed the same as far as Alex's medical condition; he was still in coma, still hooked up to the same machines if not more when he first came in. Amber came in as often as she could. Their mother still refused to stop by; she spent her days sitting in the waiting room, waiting for Amber to finish up with her visits or at the Motel, but only for a short time because at the time she wasn't stable enough to be alone for too long.

Two days later after the second week had passed, Amber thought that she saw his eyes open; she could have sworn she saw it, but it wasn't, Alex's eyes remained shut as it had been for the past two weeks. It was getting to the point where she wasn't sleeping because she wanted to be there when he woke up.

Meredith basically had to force her out of the room, so that Amber could get some sleep. Amber argued, but Meredith didn't back down and a few hours later was finally asleep.

A few days later Alex eyes fluttered open for a brief second before shutting them again, the bright fluorescent light slightly straining his eyes.

"Alex?"

The voice was familiar, he knew that he recognized the voice, but he couldn't quite comprehend, whose it was at the moment, distracted by the beeping of machines, footsteps that entered in and out of the room, voices that talked around him. But as the sounds and the smells started to get more familiar, he was able to recognize the voice that was speaking to him when he first opened his eyes.

It was a voice that he hadn't heard for a while, the same innocent voice that he remembered from so long ago before everything turned to crap, before he left for Seattle, before Aaron went crazy. It was the same voice that was asking him to stay, so many years ago and he should have listened or at least brought his sister to live with him, but things were different back then for him.

"Alex, open your eyes."

The voice pleaded again.

_I can do this, just open your eyes, it's not that hard, just open your eyes._

He counted to his three in his head, _one, two, three_

On three his eyes slowly opened, once again and managed to keep them open.

"He opened his eyes" Amber said to Cristina as she walked into the room.

"Amber, you seriously need to ge-" Cristina stopped after she saw Alex's eyes slowly starting to open.

His first instinct was to grab to tube out of his throat, but when he tried someone stooped him and he was too weak to fight it off, so he gave up and let his arms fall back onto the bed. They told him that his lung capacity wasn't at what they wanted it be, so they would have to leave tube in for another day at least. Alex wasn't happy at first to hear that news, but it gave him a reason not to talk about what happened. That's the last thing that he wanted to talk about when he was able to. The tube would prevent him from talking, but not from thinking about it, it played over and over in his head.

Owen came in the shortly after, explaining what exactly was going on in his body, saying how lucky he was to be alive, but Alex didn't feel the same, it felt like death was playing some cruel joke on him, once again. He also told him that recovery was going to take time. Owen knew it wasn't the time to bring up anything about his brother; all that he asked was if he remembered.

"Hey"

Amber softly says squeezing his hand softly, letting him know that she's there. His thoughts drift away trying to think of something else anything else. He see's Amber in the coroner of his eyes and a few tears fall from his face when he sees his baby sister, With the best of his ability he squeezes her hand back, letting her know that he was glad she was there, with a few tears falling from his face.

The drugs kicked in shortly after and Alex was once again asleep. His body still needed rest even though he was in a coma for the past two weeks.

The next day they are able to take out the tube out, but Alex realizes that he couldn't feel his legs; he figured it might be the epidural, so he didn't think it was much of a problem. He notices Amber sound asleep in the chair next to him, Cristina, Owen, and Derek come and check on him a few minutes later.

Owen checked on the wound to make sure everything is okay. Derek and Cristina came along to see how he was doing.

"When is the epidural going to wear off?"

"Alex, we didn't give you an epidural. You can't feel your legs?" Cristina said in a worried tone

"No."

A worried look appeared on both of their faces, as well as the other doctors in the room. At the time it was just Cristina, Owen and Derek in the room. Derek pulled off the blanket a little bit at the foot of the bed.

"Karev, how long has it been like this?" Derek asked conserved.

"I… I don't know."

"You can't feel this?" Derek's face still concerned.

"No, what the hell did you do to me?"

"We'll figure this out, just give us a minute.

Derek, Owen, and Cristina exit the room, Amber was still sound asleep somehow.

"We need to take him to get scans, see what the hell happened."

"Even if it is surgical, his body is too week right now, we should wait.

"We can't wait, the more we wait the more likely he will become paralyzed permanently."

"Derek, he hasn't even been awake for full week yet , we should wait."

Cristina watched as Derek and Owen went back forth about what should be done. She made up her own mind by getting Alex ready for the scans.

"He's having the scans." Cristina said after walking past the two men.

"You can't make that call." Owen said as Cristina walked passed him and Derek.

"It's just a scan and if it's surgical and Derek can fix it then that's our best option."

"Fine you can do the scans, but if it is something surgical, you need to check in with me before doing it and also if I think if his body can't handle it then I'm pushing the surgery back."

"Okay." Derek and Cristina say before leaving to get Alex ready for his scans.

After the scans were taken and Derek looked them and noticing that it is surgical a little risky for someone in Alex's position, but goes with and decides next day after he talked with Alex about it, even though Owen wasn't too thrilled about it. He still went with it because the surgery was Alex's best shot at walking again and the more they waited the less likely it was to happen.

* * *

All that Alex could think about was that it was his fault for what happened to Aaron. What if I was home more? What if I called? I shouldn't have left in the first place. He ran through these thoughts in his head over and over again ever since he woke up. He would hardly talk to anyone unless it was relevant to his current medical condition. His next surgery wasn't scheduled for another hour and he was grateful because he couldn't take all the pity looks he got from the staff that walked by his room and it didn't help that the doors to his room was made of glass. He wanted to have more privacy, but he wasn't ready to move out of the ICU yet and they were going to put him back in there after his next surgery, just as a precaution. Derek told him that it was no guarantee that the surgery would work, but he already knew that and really didn't care. He kind of hopped that something would go wrong and the surgery would go wrong in which it would kill him, putting him out of all the emotional pain he was feeling, but it was highly unlikely. Derek also told him that physical therapy wouldn't be easy and would take time and patients.

Meredith sat beside him in the chair next to his bed. She didn't say anything and neither did he. Meredith wanted to think that by just being there would help him at least emotionally, but the truth was it didn't, she could tell. Meredith didn't know why, call it intuition, but the friend in front of her wasn't the same person she knew, the Alex she knew was gone.

"Are your sure you're okay Alex?" Meredith asked breaking the silence because she had to because the silence was driving her crazy.

"I'm fine, stop asking me if I'm okay, and just leave me the hell alone!" Alex yelled or at least tried to, but his voice wouldn't allow him to.

_You're not okay,_ she thought before exiting the room.

The surgery went well, Derek didn't have any problems at all and Alex's body was able to handle the surgery without any complication during it. Even though the surgery went well, it wouldn't be a success until he knew that Alex would be able to feel his legs.

A few hours after the surgery Alex wakes up, his eyes slowly start to open, Derek is the room writing notes in Alex's chart.

"How did it got?"

"You did good, the surgery went well, gave me no trouble."

"That's good, how long, will it be?" Alex knew the answer that these types of things take time, that every patient was different.

"It maybe a little bit, but like I said before that it may take a little, while."

"Okay, thank you, Dr. Shepherd" Alex softly said before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

* * *

Alex's mother leaned up against the doorway of Alex's room, looking outside of the room instead of inside.

"You don't have to be here." Alex said in a raspy voice, before coughing loudly, covering his mouth with the side of his closed fist.

The truth was he wanted her there even if it was only for a couple of minutes; he needed his mom there for support to tell him that she's there for him, that she loved him, but that wasn't his mom. He never got that true feeling of having a mom.

"I'm not here, I'm waiting on your sister and she would of stayed hear all night if I wouldn't of came to get her, so I'm not here."

"I'm sorry" Was all that he managed to say before coughing again.

"You should be sorry, your brother is dead and it's your fault. Everything that has gone wrong with our family is your fault! You may be this big time doctor now, but no matter how hard you try you'll still be as worthless as you were when you were born."

She spat these words to her and not a single tear left her face when she said it, as if she didn't care what happened to him, that she didn't care that he was her son.

The words cut through him like a thousand knifes stabbing into his heart all at once, words that spoke of such hate and disrespect by a person who is supposed to love him unconditionally. The words that no child should be told by their parent no matter how old that child is it still hurts just the same. He didn't want it to bother him, that's what he told himself, but it did and he was used to it, at least he thought he was.

What neither of them knew was that Cristina was hearing everything that was being said to her friend. Cristina heard the whole conversation and she felt bad for Alex. He didn't need to hear any of that especially now after everything that's happened.

"Visiting hours are over, you can come by tomorrow during the normal visiting hours."

Cristina walked further into the room grabbing the oxygen mask from behind his bed and handing it to Alex, basically forcing him to put it on.

"I won't be here, like I said I'm waiting for his sister. Have you seen her?"

"No I haven't, you can wait somewhere else, just not here."

"You okay?" Cristina asked after his mom left the room.

"Yeah" He said almost at a whisper, he removed the mask slightly from his face for a moment, so he could speak, and then placed it back in front of his face. He knew it and so did Cristina that it wasn't true, but neither of them said anything. He wasn't okay, he was far from okay. It would take a lot more than just physical therapy to make him okay again and who knew how long it will take or where to even begin.

_I'm permanent  
Is the moment where I look you in the eye?  
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry._

**This chapter was a little difficult to write, didn't know what I wanted to do with it, so had to jump around a little bit. The next chapter should be better.** H**ope You enjoyed this chapter. Sorry again for not updating sooner. There probably would be more Amber in story, haven't decided, yet.**

**Big ideas for this story, so continue reading. **

**Don't forget to review helps a lot and will help me update sooner **


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